How to Deal With Difficult People Part 2 - The Bully

Sixty-four year old Bill was a married retired executive who sought anger management help on the insistence of his wife Ann.

After 24 years Ann could no longer tolerate his bullying behavior toward her, their children, and their friends. He would often relate in an insulting, "get in your face" way using a loud, intimidating voice that frightened her.

She often felt like a little girl who was being scolded. He gave her orders with no thought for her feelings or how others were reacting to his behavior. If he did not get his own way, he would often pout or withhold needed finances from her.

Tactics Of The Adult Bully

As this case illustrates, emotional bullying occurs when someone tries to gain control by making others feel angry or afraid. It is often characterized by yelling, name-calling, sarcasm, mocking, putting down, belittling, embarrassing or intimidating. Ann said that they had no friends because of Bill's behavior. He was forced into early retirement by his company due to alienation of upper management.

Bullies Often Have Personality Disorder

Like many bullies, Bill had a deep sense of insecurity about himself. He completely lacked empathy or the ability to perceive how he was negatively affecting others.

He honestly didn't see himself as the problem and was constantly in dismay when others around him were devastated or offended by his behavior. Bill had what is known as a "narcissistic" personality disorder. He was only capable of interpreting events from his perspective. Pre-occupied with himself , he had little regard or understanding of the feelings of others.

Can Bullies Change?

While research shows that most bullies are unable to make deep changes to their personality, they are sometimes able to modify their behavior to the extent that they are more tolerable. Usually, the motivation to change is inspired by outside influences such as employers, spouses, or children. Bill, for instance, desperately wanted his wife back as he truly loved her to the extent he was able to experience love. Other bullies we have seen in anger management classes decided to change at the threat of losing their job. Jim, a line supervisor in a chemical plant, fell into this category.

The Case of Jim

An "old-school" manager, Jim often yelled and threatened employees to motivate them to produce more, thinking his behavior would be seen as positive by the company executives.

Unfortunately, too many employees complained, resulting in his being referred to Human Resources for intervention. Turns out, Jim didn't want to be seen as a bully, had no awareness others were seeing him that way, and most certainly didn't want to lose his job of over 25 years.

Thus, he was highly motivated to acquire more effective skills to relate to employees while still maintaining a high rate of production.

He did well in anger management as he learned our tools of anger control- particularly the tool of "empathy" which includes increased social awareness (seeing how he is coming across to others) as well as more sensitivity to the feelings of others.

Unfortunately, not all bullies are as responsive to intervention as Jim was. Many bullies remain bullies because they don't see themselves as the problem. In this case, you may have to learn how to cope with their behavior, if you are in an unfortunate situation such that you need to continue to be with them but survive.

Four Ways To Cope

* Focus on the positive attributes of the bully and try to ignore the negative parts. For instance, Bill had a very sweet and generous side to him when not being a bully - a side Ann could learn to focus on to survive the unpleasant times.

* Be confident and look your bully in the eye. Speak in a calm and clear voice while asserting yourself by naming the behavior you don't like and state what is expected instead.

* Create a distraction or change the subject. Try using humor or a well chosen word to disarm the bully.

* Give the bully's ego what it needs. For instance, Ann learned to praise Bill more and give him more credit and acknowledgement for things he did do well. While this tactic is a little manipulatory, it nevertheless worked well to decrease the number of times Bill bullied her. And it allowed Ann to survive a difficult situation.

2005 © Dr. Tony Fiore All rights reserved.

Feng Shui Don'ts

These are a list of Feng Shui no-nos that may be put into consideration when undergoing interior decorating. These tips will help you avoid pitfalls and negative energy from entering one's home.

If you are a career person, your work desk shouldn't be directly in line with a door, or under a beam. You will be in the line of Sha, or bad Qi this way! Do reposition your desk. If this is not a feasible option for you, place a potted plant in front of your table to soften the blow.

For the bedroom, Yang colors such as red, orange and bright yellows are simply not good for you since the too-active colors will keep you up, or give you with listless, unrefreshing sleep! Try to incorporate relaxing and subtle colors instead. Dragon images are also not a good idea for the bedroom.

Wooden overhead beams on ceilings in the home are very inauspicious, especially if you sleep below them! If removing them is not an option, hang auspicious items such as a faceted crystal above you. This will 'soften' the negative Qi and make it safe for you.

Don't install any water features (aquariums, fountains and the like) in bedrooms! This is considered very unlucky. Spiky plants such as cacti in sleeping areas are also a Feng Shui no-no. On second thought, keep cacti and bonsai plants away from your home interior or office entirely!

If your front door is right below the stairs in your home, this is inauspicious since bad Qi can collect in this area. Try relocating your main door to another spot, or simply place a lovely potted plant at the stair area.

Miniature ships are wonderful symbols of wealth attainment, but do remember to point the mast towards the interior of your home and not facing a door or window. This may lead to your wealth 'sailing' away! This goes the same for your chan chu, or Money Toad too. Don't direct its head towards a window or door - keep it nosed towards the home.

When you make a purchase of crystals for Feng Shui or healing purposes, do not immediately put them to use - remember to cleanse them for the best usage. Cleansing a crystal is easy, simply submerge your crystals in a basin of distilled water overnight and you're set! I have found that this is infinitely easier (and more fuss-free) than procuring seawater or sea salts for this purpose.

Don't place your Buddha statues in the kitchen or bedroom. The best places are the dining room, lounge or living room - basically, areas where family or friends converge. Don't place your Buddha on the floor, but place it on an elevated area!

No fireplace or lampshades in the Southeast or West location for year 2006. This is because these particular areas are currently housing the ever-malignant stars #2 Black and #5 Yellow, and the Fire element will only strengthen these stars' negative influences. If removal of the Fire element influence is not possible, heavily decorate these areas with Yang natured Metal cures, such as brass dragons or deities to weaken the Earth element of this area.

A staircase right in the middle of the home is a huge Feng Shui no-no because a 'missing' central location of the home spells bad Feng Shui.

Do you like these Tips? Dragon-Gate.com sends monthly Feng Shui Tips newsletters to its members. To read past Feng Shui Tips, click here.

About Abdominal Asbestos Mesothelioma

Mesothelioma is a kind of cancer that affects the mesothelium. The mesothelium is a layer of membrane that is very thin and it protects almost all the internal organs inside our body. Mesothelioma has been connected with the fibrous mineral, asbestos that has used in construction for years. In fact, most cases of mesothelioma are always connected with prior contact with the mineral.

In asbestos mesothelioma, cancerous cells affect the mesothelial layer that is present in the chest cavity called the pleura and the lungs. There are some cases where the cancer has also occurred in the peritoneum, or the lining present in the abdominal cavity and the pericardium, which is the membrane sac that is around the heart.

Abdominal asbestos mesothelioma occurs in the peritoneum. People with this condition may have come into contact with asbestos and worked in areas where it has been present. This exposure to asbestos may occur in different forms. A worker while working may inhale the fibers of asbestos while on duty. A person who may not be a worker may also be exposed to asbestos by various other means. A person who washes the clothes of a worker who is exposed to asbestos directly may also be prone to abdominal asbestos mesothelioma.

A survey has shown that out of every seven people exposed to asbestos, one is likely to develop asbestos related cancer that may include abdominal asbestos mesothelioma.

There are various signs and symptoms that are related to abdominal asbestos mesothelioma. But one common problem the doctors often face when it comes to diagnosing it is that the symptoms are very difficult to identify. The signs are not noticeable till about twenty to fifty years after a person has been exposed to asbestos. The symptoms vary and are dependent on various factors, like the particular type of mesothelioma a person is afflicted with and the length of time that he has been exposed to asbestos.

The symptoms that are related to abdominal asbestos mesothelioma include cachexia which is a condition in which a person loses a lot of weight, experiences tiredness, anorexia and atrophy. The abdomen gets swollen which is a result of excessive fluids in the cavity of the abdomen. If this cancer is in a very advanced stage, pain is caused because of the buildup.

A person could also have symptoms like fever, anemia, blood clotting abnormalities and the bowels getting obstructed. If the cancer spreads to the other organs, the patient will also suffer from swelling of the face and neck and could have a lot of trouble swallowing.

Abdominal asbestos mesothelioma is fatal. The treatment methods that are available today are only partly successful. Doctors combine chemotherapy, radiation, immunotherapy and surgery. Other kinds of treatment that are related to abdominal asbestos mesothelioma are mainly for the relief of the symptoms rather than an actual cure. A procedure that is called heated intraoperative intraperitoneal chemotherapy helps in the prevention of the development of this cancer by trying to remove as much of the tumor as possible from the patient.

How to Start a Franchise

Franchising Information

Franchise opportunities are all around us today. You may pop into Starbucks for coffee and then head for lunch at MacDonalds before returning home and ordering your dinner from another local franchise, Pizza Hut. Many of the most popular outlets you visit may be franchises as they offer the security of a brand name and the attraction of starting your own business.

The world of Franchise is certainly complex but many people are now seriously looking at starting a franchise as they look to leave their routine day jobs and embark on an exciting business opportunity and run their own business. Indeed many franchise fairs and seminars are now the perfect location to meet franchise experts and discuss funding and business plans to determine what type of niche you may quickly recoup your investment with.

Selecting the correct franchise opportunity is vital and you should research the company history and seek advice from current franchise owners before making important decisions. Many franchise opportunities allow you a great degree of freedom with your marketing and advertising, however many others have trademark guidelines and company policies which you must be aware of before launching a promotion.

Joining your local chamber of commerce or business club is a good first step as many business owners have experience in the franchise industry and also have a great network of contacts that could give your franchise business a great head start. Your local business enterprise will also be able to help you formulate a business plan and budget as well as possibly providing a small grant for start up costs.

Starting your own franchise has never been easier and you could even lead you on the road to becoming a multi franchise where you also recruit others to join your network.

6 Necessary Backpacking Supplies You Must Have For Your Backpacking Adventures

1. The first item you must purchase is a backpack. The backpack will be the container to carry the necessary items you will need for your adventure. Choose a backpack that is large enough for a multiple day excursion. It must be comfortable and fit securely to your body and shoulders. I suggest you load your selection in the store with items heavy enough to make sure the backpack is comfortable.

2. The next important item before you begin your adventure is to purchase a tent. This will be your portable shelter from the elements, especially if your trek is in wet or cold weather. It is imperative you sleep warm and dry at night. Select a lightweight tent rated for cold weather. If you go backpacking with a partner, your tent selection must be large enough for two.

3. Selection of a sleeping bag is the next most important purchase. In order to keep warm in your tent, sleeping on a thick, down filled sleeping bag made of synthetic material with a temperature rating of -10 degrees Fahrenheit. This selection for a sleeping bag will keep you warm.

4. Clothing is the next important selection. You must be able to keep warm is backpacking during colder weather. During cold weather, you should were thermal under clothing with breathable outer layers ending with waterproof clothing to keep you dry in wet weather. Also wear a warm head gear and carry gloves to keep your hands warm.

5. Another extremely important item is your selection of hiking boots. Boots are very important to protect your feet as you trek over rough terrain. Make sure your selection of boots is waterproof to keep your feet dry and comfortable. When you make your selection, you want your boots to be durable so you will not need to replace every year or so.

6. Last, but not least, is buying a backpacking stove. A stove will provide you with warm food and drink. Depending where you backpack, many parks and forests prohibit building wood fires. You definitely do not want to run the risk of accidentally starting a forest fire. Be sure to consider pots and pans and cooking and eating utensils. Carry either bottled water or a water filtration system.

Good luck and have fun on your backpacking adventures.

Nutraceutical Sciences - What Are They?

Understanding the technical jargon that is used by some industries can often be quite difficult for a lay person however this doesn't mean that intrinsically they are hard to understand. The food supplement industry alongside other forms of similar products are collectively known in industry as the nutraceutical sciences, the etymology of which stems from two base words in the English language; nutrient and pharmaceutical.

Nutraceutical sciences are primarily concerned with what is often billed as a 'grey' area in international regulatory circles. This area of industry creates food supplements and anything that is taken as food to contribute to a person's diet, but which has been scientifically prepared to provide specific benefits based on laboratory research.

For example, cod liver oil has known benefits for persons who are lacking in Vitamin A and Vitamin D, whilst providing excellent levels of omega -3 fatty acids. Whilst these are all compounds that can be found in everyday foods, they are included in one product (cod liver oil) that is either concentrated and packaged in easily digestible form by nutraceutical manufacturers. This means that the person taking the product will achieve a high concentration dose of the essential compounds that could help them with their condition.

Other examples of products that are made by the nutraceutical sciences can include body-building supplements, bath and personal care, sexual health and sports nutrition. There are also many other categories of products and for most people, daily contact and even use of products manufactured by the nutraceutical sciences industry is normal in the modern Western world.

The West's obsession with the products that the nutraceutical sciences produce goes someway to understanding their success however, their use in the West is dependent on other forces such as marketing and public awareness of ailments, illnesses and the reasons behind them. This is never truer than today when scientific knowledge helps guide the industry into helping keep people healthier and living longer.